The Week In Ambridge

The Week In Ambridge

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I am a new listener to The Archers - my Mother started me at birth, so I have only been listening for 46 years.  Apologies if I get things wrong.

By Campbell Mitchell, Mar 19 2017 12:01PM

Lillian and Lover-Boy Justin are being post-coital, but Lillian wants to leave and head back to Home Farm. She seems to be having cold feet. “Sneaking around was part of the fun.” Justin wants her to move in. “This was inevitable from the day we met.”

Carpet is hosting the first ever mixed cricket nets – Anisha, Lilly and Molly are there. Johnny is helping, but “Will is still pretty anti.” No surprise there. After nets, at the Bull, Usha has a drink with Lilly. Lilly feels left out of the cricket banter, so Usha drags her over to join in. Usha then decides to join the cricket team herself.

Back at Home Farm, Jennifer notices that Lillian is being quiet. Lillian tells Jennifer the news. “Oh, that’s marvelous.” “I’m still in a bit of a whirl.” She is, however, very pleased to get one over on Miranda. Jennifer is happy about the easier social side of things.

David and Ruth are hosing something down. There’s a problem with the milk yield. Later, over coffee, Deep Pip wants a loan to buy more cattle for more mob grazing. David is surprised that she needs the money – where’s the profits from last year? David refuses the loan and Pip storms out. Later, Ruth tries to smooth things over and asks about the Toby gin loan. It’s not going to be repaid in time to buy cattle. This may arouse suspicions in David as to where the money has gone.

There’s trouble at Ambridge Towers, Eddie is reading Ambridge Hall reviews on line and is upset by the glowing praise for Robert and Lynda. Emmar is helping out, preparing the room, but she’s not happy about the upheaval the Air BnB guests are causing. Ed is worried about the under-sized lambs the little Grundy flock are producing.

Alice is chuffed as her office has moved very close to home – she’ll be able to walk to work. Brian is taking her to show off the new land. Alice uses the opportunity for a sales pitch. “Maybe it’s something we’ll think about in the future.”

At the café, Josh is working on his agri-eBay website, having being flung out of every room at Brookfield by an angry decaffeinated Jill (off coffee and tea, thanks to Carol) and David. He’s bought one coffee and is hogging a table for four. Back at Brookfield, Jill has fallen asleep whilst baking and ruined Ben’s birthday cake and an apple pie. She’s missing caffeine. David tries to get her interested in an Aqua-Fit class that Carol wants to try.

Justin and Lillian are having breakfast at the café. Robert is there with some Ambridge Hall guests in the middle of a bird-watching tour. Justin is planning Glynebourne and Ascot, so Lillian is pleased. “Our season is shaping up well.” The brakes are put back on Lillian’s new-found enthusiasm when Justin mentions marriage. Out on the bird tour, Robert bumps into twitching arch-rival Jim, out with guests from Ambridge Towers. The Grundys have roped Jim in to offering the same bird tour service as the Snells. There’s a fight about chiff-chaffs, which blows up to the extent that the guests leave.

Usha’s first night at nets doesn’t go well – she’s keen, but uncoordinated.

Lillian has scuttles back to Home Farm for “a while”, crying off the Dower House because of Amside work. Really, she’s freaked out about the marriage chat from Justin. She tries to talk to Jennifer, but Jennifer is thrilled. Lillian was keeping her emotional distance whilst she was a mistress, but mistress to fiancé is a bit of a leap for her. Brian is badgered by Alice again, trying to sell him some high-tech farming system. Brian demurs. At lunch, Brian lets slip about Lillian and Justin. Peggy latches on instantly – “You told me that was all over – don’t tell me you’re a liar as well as a cheat?” This destroys the much-yearned for familiar atmosphere that Jennifer always hopes for at Home Farm lunches. After lunch, Peggy meets Kirsty. Kirsty tries to return the large cheque Peggy gave her. Peggy refuses its return. “Thank you so much, Peggy.”

Ruth is worried that the cows have IBR (what’s that?). This would explain the low yield. They are coughing and there’s discharge. Yuck. Alastair is called. He takes swabs and it looks like IBR. It’s highly infectious. Have the cows come onto contact with other cattle? Maybe Pip could shed some light on that question… IBR seems to be Bovine Herpes Virus. It’s not great and they may lose some cattle. The vaccine is going to cost two grand. One of the calves dies there and then. If it comes out that Pip had let the cattle run riot…

Jim and Robert meet in the rain and sort of make up over joint scathing reviews on line. They retire to the Bull for lunch together.

Lillian meets Justin at the Bull for lunch. “Tell me what I’ve done wrong.” Lillian lets him know her marriage worries. “Do you really want to jump in to another marriage?” “Absolutely.” He gets on his knees and proposes to her there and then, the old romatic. “I…I…I just don’t know.” She flees.

By Campbell Mitchell, Mar 12 2017 12:31PM

PC Carpet is bearded by Lynda – she wants a twenty limit imposed in the village. Carpet is more interested in trying to interest Roy in cricket coaching. Miranda is on the warpath, registering a complaint against Kirsty with Lynda. Kirsty refers to her as “that pain in backside”, and then goes on at length about how vile the customers are.

Grundy Towers is having problems with fake tan stains on the sheets and massive loo roll usage.

Carpet and Roy are secretly training the new women recruits, including Lilly and the legendary Molly Button. Roy dubs la Button as “completely immune to coaching.” It doesn’t look good.

Kirsty has a large, dark cloud over her as Roy returns from cricket coaching. She even snaps at Roy. “Keep out of my business.” She really lays in to him and he retires, hurt, to make a chilli.

Shula and Lillian are interrupted by Miranda – she wants to join Lillian for a ride. Lillina complements Miranda on her horse. “I’d ride him in an instant.” “I bet you would.” Miranda lets Lillian have it about the affair. “Let me make this clear – you will not disrupt my marriage any more.” Lillian retreats to lick her wounds with Shula - “no more social secretary for me.” Shula is worried about the knock-on effect for the stables, now that Miranda won’t be around as much as usual.

Carpet again tries to interest Deep Pip in the cricket. She refuses, but Ruth thinks she should “go for it.” “Oh, go on, then.” Later, at a very busy Bull, Lillian gets smashed and Toby is made up as his gin has started to run clear. Pip and Toby then head back to the calving shed. After five minutes, Toby wants to go back to the Bull, which he does. Lillian in now totally pie-eyed and has cornered Carpet, filling him with relationship advice. Toby returns to the shed, just in time to help Pip drag a stuck squelchy calf from a cow. It’s not breathing, so Pip gives it the kiss of life. Success. “That was awesome,” says Toby.

Jazzer unexpectedly meets Kirsty, out for a pre-dawn walk. It is safe to say that Kirsty is not herself. Jazzer is off to re-instate the polytunnels for Brian and Adam. After, Brain and Adam discuss the impact of Brexit on their fruit pickers – maybe no more hunky Pavels coming over? Iain will be pleased. Then it moves on to Lillian – the two adulterers are pretty scathing about Lillian’s behaviour, which is a little unfair, given the history of father and step-son. Kirsty turns up at the café, asking for shifts. She seems to be trying to fill all her spare time with activities – she even wants to be considered for Carpet’s cricket team. “You???” says Fallon. The fact that Kirsty has been overlooked by Carpet upsets her a great deal and she shouts at Fallon. She leaves the café crying and is found by Helen, who holds her as she sobs her heart out. “There was going to be this new person and now it’s gone…it was my fault, I didn’t want him enough.”

Toby is rudely awoken by Pip. Some cows have got out and he has to help. The cows are mixed up with some of Brian’s. It goes well and Toby and Pip drive the cows back down the road towards their field. Ed calls and reports that there are more cows loose. They head off on the quad to find the errant cows. Ed has parked them on Home Farm land. After that, Pip and Toby mend the fences the cows have trampled. Pip calls Ed, swears him to secrecy and then takes Toby to the Bull for a late breakfast.

Peggy, in full matriarch mode, calls Lillian, deep in the depths of her hangover. She wants to meet… She heads round. “I’ll come straight to the point – I’ve heard rumours about you and Justin Elliot – have you been having an affair with him?” Lillian confesses. “You had a affair with a married man.” Lillian gets it in the neck. “Marriage is sacred.” Pompous old biddy.

Alistair and Anisha are examining Damson, a frisky horse in Shula’s stable. Aziz and Amir (the Elliot’s horses) are leaving – no surprises there. Damson has a thorn in her eye. Anisha wants to remove the eye, which she does alone. Alastair is impressed by her skills, but less than impressed than Anisha looks like she might be joining the cricket team.

Carpet has organized another cricket meeting. “How are we going to save Ambridge Cricket?” He pushes the women agenda again. Loud and horrible Will tries to shout him down. There’s a lot of grumbling, lead by Will the Sexist. As a final twist of the knife, Carpet has an email from arch-rivals Darrington. The hated Darrington have offered a merger. There are now three choices – mixed cricket, cricket with the hated Darrington or no cricket. This drives almost everyone, apart from Will, into the arms of mixed-sex cricket. After the meeting, Rex wants to have a look at the email and Carpet runs off. Did he fake the Darrington threat? Very sneaky, PC Carpet…

Later, at the shop, Carpet is cornered again by Lynda about speeding in the village. She also wants to know about the legality of using anonymous identities on line. What does she have in mind?

Kirsty, eventually having some time off after her breakdown with Helen, is met at the doorstep by Jazzer, toting a “Tango and Cash” dvd and a mountain of snacks. She is weirdly cheered up by the terrible film – a film nominated for three Razzies, including Worst Actor for Stallone and Worst Supporting Actress for Kurt Russel (he was in drag for some of the film).

Justin calls Lillian and wants to meet her at the Dower House. “I’m sorry that it’s happened this way.” Lillian waits for the inevitable. “The last few days with Miranda have been rather trying.” You don’t say, Justin. It turns out that Miranda has been putting it about a bit, too – ski instructors, personal trainers and the like, but without the emotional attachment that Justin needs from his affairs. “The connection between you and me has been very special.” “Please, Justin, I’m finding this quite difficult.” Lillian is waiting for the axe to fall…then “My marriage is over – I’m going to divorce her – I want to be with you.”

By Campbell Mitchell, Mar 5 2017 11:32AM

We begin with a trip to the pigs with Kiera and Emmar. A dog has worried Kiera – some of the booming Grundy Towers AirBnB guests have a little yappy thing. Emmar is still worried about the ‘land’ theme for Jennifer’s party.

Meanwhile, Jennifer is making a rare visit to Adam as he sorts out an irrigation system for the polytunnels. She is still traumatised by finding our star-crossed lovers mid-rut. Lillian still wants to come to the party, but Jennifer has banned her. Jennifer has scored a social coup as she has invited the mayor of Felbisham, Rachael Pilkington. “She’s been on television several times.” She calls Emmar, who is very hedgey about the ‘land’ menu. Eddie wants Emmar to cook rabbit, who is now freaked out cooking for la Pilkington

Tony and Tom are sorting out spuds (lots of actual agricultural work going on this week for some reason). Tom’s off to Brazil on a conference as part of his Nuffeild course, but he thinks maybe he should stay for Kirsty. Tony doesn’t think he should rush into a decision.

Alistair is still moaning on about the money he’s being forced to spend by Anisha. He’s so worried, he tries to interest Lynda in a healthcare plan for the llamas. Does such a thing even exist? Later, he talks to Shula about the current prehistoric website for the practice. Needless to say, Anisha has hired a couple of bean-bag based web designers from hipster-central Borchester to re-vamp it.

Emmar hits the sage of Ambridge, Jim, for information about the ‘land’ theme for Jennifer’s party. “Dipping into Graves might help.” What is the old coot on about? Later, Emmar heads round to Jim’s, who drones on about Greek mythology, eventually coming up with the Horn of Plenty myth. Emma is instantly inspired. “There’s loads of things when you start thinking.”

Kirsty is back at work at the Health Club and is cornered by Lynda. She hasn’t put the wet towels out for collection and rushes off, refusing help from a concerned Lynda. Later, Lynda checks on her again and Kirsty is manic with ideas for improvement at Gray Gables. Lynda shows concern and Kirsty snaps back at her hard.

Mid-lambing, Josh shows David his farm machinery sales website, the snappily-titled Ambridge Farm Machinery, which has just gone live. “Nice work, Josh.” But then, David tries to rope him in to helping with lambing and he cries off busy.

Eddie, out rabbiting, is caught by Lynda, furious that Grundy Towers has been poaching guests from Ambridge Hall. “Lured away by the shoddy promise of a cheaper deal.” Lynda threatens to inform the Sterlings, but Eddie tells her that they already know. Lynda is then almost run over by Lilly, on a driving lesson with David. This leads to a general bleat about driving in the village. “Something will have to be done,” says Lynda. Again.

Tom has done some shopping for Kirsty. “You don’t have to worry about me.” Tom tells her that he’s cancelled his Brazil trip and is considering dropping out of the whole scholarship. “You’re not thinking straight.” Kirsty tries to talk him round.

Anisha is out with Rex, doing something clandestine and out of sight of the village. Dogging? Nope- it’s cricket. Rex is training her at nets. Anisha’s cricket history is in the shadow of her uncle Ravi, but she’s very good (bowling, not batting). She gets on very well with Rex.

Over some light choral music, Emmar and Fallon present their ‘land’ menu to a ‘quite impressed’ Jennifer. “What a clever idea,” she says, when the Horn of Plenty reference is mentioned. The Mayor has a broccoli allergy (up there with llama health plans as unlikely things). Brian turns up, eats all the samples, and then suggests that NOT inviting Lillian will look strange. Jennifer reluctantly agrees.

On her way to a meeting, Anisha books an Uber and is surprised that Rex is her driver. “At least you’re working, now you’ve lost your allowance.” This upsets Rex who has a bit of a chip on his shoulder about this.

Tom meets Ruth and they discuss the miscarriage, Ruth remembering her own. “We were waiting for him…to become part of our lives.” Ruth suggests throwing himself back into work. “It will get easier, Tom – eventually.” Ruth even suggests changing his plans about Brazil – it doesn’t help that the conference was about baby food. It works and Helen drives him to the airport at the last minute.

It’s the night of the ‘land’ party and Jennifer is at maximum revs. She has to shoo Lillian away from the door when Justin and Miranda turn up. “Can that go on a padded hanger, Brian.” Later, Jim is pouring wine by the bucket-load down a very receptive la Pilkington’s throat. Nat King Cole plays and, apart from Jennifer chasing Lillian away from Justin and Miranda, all seems to be going well. Even Miranda eventually notices that Lillain has been mostly absent. It turns out that the mayor is getting pissed and can be “quite argumentative”. Jim and Lynda corner Brain about the bio-diversity aspect of the land deal. “Ambridge can’t afford to lose any more of its wild places.” Later, a rare apparence for Robert. He wants to work out a way of grassing up the Grundys to the Serlings about Grundy Towers without an eviction notice being the result. Lynda on Eddie - “He’s always lived in the post-truth society.” Class, Lynda. There’s some heat between Lillian and Justin about a missing earring and Miranda notices the vibe immediately. They leave, quickly – Miranda with a face like thunder. The mayor gets spectacularly drunk and is put in the bath. Lillian makes coffee from the survivors, but the Miranda/Justin fall out is yet to happen.

By Campbell Mitchell, Feb 26 2017 12:09PM

There’s a lot of baa-ing – we are at Brookfield during lambing and Jennifer is speaking to Ruth. She wants David and Ruth to come to her Miranda-trumping party, but they can’t come because of all the baa-ing. Jill won’t go, either, because she is holding the fort. She is also limping.

Shula is watching Alistair get to grips with his new Anisha-supplied tablet. There’s a new x-ray machine coming, too and that needs a training session. Alastair scarpers to Brookfield for some squelching with a calf. He voices his tech concerns to Ruth. Ruth is more worried about Jill limping and calls Carol to voice HER concerns, but Carol acts as is Ruth is impugning the ability of the aged members of the village to help. Carol is eventaually persuaded to come to the farm to help. They discuss Toby’s newly-minted gin distilling licence.

Jennifer is trying to excite Lillian about her party, but for obvious reasons, Lillian isn’t that keen. Rhuriah finally makes his presence felt – there’s some thumping music from upstairs and that’s it. Jennifer wants to ‘theme’ the evening, but Lillian isn’t helping. Later, Jennifer makes a marmalade cake and asks Lillian if she’s being ‘insensitive’ having a party after Tom and Kirsty’s dark news. Lillian does the ‘life goes on’ speech.

Jazzer is with Susan. Susan is lording it up as she’s been invited to Jennifer’s little soiree. Jazzer has been looking after Tom in his rough Scottish way.

Fallon and PC Carpet are also concerned, but more with Kirsty. Fallon had been tasked with catering for Jennifer’s party, which now has a ‘land’ theme. Carpet is also worried about the cricket AGM coming out. He still feels that if he can’t get women onto the team, the glorious Ambridge cricket machine will be ‘bust’. All the women he’s asked so far have turned him down.

Clarrie and Eddie have had their first AirBnB guests who have left a glowing review for them. The only criticism was the lack of en-suite. Eddie thinks he can fix this…by moving out of the master suite. Later, setting out chairs at the Village Hall for a thrilling railway talk, Clarrie talks to Susan about her worries and how she doesn’t want to move out of the main bedroom. Susan thinks that she should “go for it”. “If you market Grange Farm properly, you could be sitting on a gold mine.”

Our star-crossed lovers are having a business meeting with their clothes on. Justin is very grumpy about how many social events he has been booked in to. Lillian tries to help, but gets shut down – “If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.” “You seem rather distant.” No shit, Lillian. It turns out that Justin is upset as he can’t ‘get’ the planning bloke at the council responsible for the broiler unit he’s trying to get off the ground. Detective Lillian gets on the case and finds out that Pat has the planning bloke’s wife as a veg-box customer and that they attend Rotary Club meetings.

Kirsty has arrived back at Roy’s unexpectedly. She wants to go back to work. “I need to get back to normal, back to work.” “There’s really no rush.” Pragmatic Kirsty wants to resume as she left off. She goes off to see Tom. “You look dreadful, Tom.” She then heads to Bridge Farm to see Pat. Pat is delighted to see her – they’ve always got on.

It’s the tutor’s night at Slow Freddie’s college and teenage Kenton is helping Freddie maintain the subterfuge about failing the maths exam. It turns into a bit of a farce – Freddie doing his best to keep Elizabeth away from the tutor. Kenton sits with the tutor and is finally interrupted by a furious Elizabeth. She’s seriously pissed off and bans Freddie from seeing Kenton, due to his “bad influence.”

Alistair is balking about tarting up his waiting room. Shula helps persuade him that it’s looking ‘tired’. Alistair is still fretting about the vast cost of it all. Anisha is spending money like a sailor on leave.

It’s the cricket AGM and Carpet is trying to maintain an air of positivity, in spite of being really nervous. His speech is forceful – not enough players, so we have to admit women to the team. There’s minor Ambridge-sized uproar. Questions about league involvement and changing room facilities follow. Fallon backs him up, but the meeting degenerates and Carpet loses the vote. In spite of this, Carpet and Alistair continue to try and recruit women. They talk about approaching Anisha…

At Grey Gables, Roy and Lynda discuss Kirsty. Roy is worried that she’s rushing back into things and Lynda agrees. Their talk turns to the cricket crisis – Lynda is in full favour of a mixed team.

Joe and Eddie are discussing the Air BnB project. After close questioning from Joe, it turns out, as we suspected, that what Eddie had actually asked the Sterlings is that they could have “friends” to stay – not “Hi, Oliver, can we run a Bnb from Grange Farm?” Later, they hit Ambridge Hall, ostensibly to ‘survey the guttering’, but actually to nick leaflets from Lynda’s “local things to do” rack for their own enterprise. It turns out that Grundy Towers has stolen guests from Lynda this weekend.

Kirsty and Helen are having a shopping spree in Borchester, possibly in the fabled Underwood’s Womenswear Department. Kirsty describes her time in Blackpool with her folks and how less than thrilled her parents were when she told them Tom was the father. Kirsty says she’s feeling “fine” now. “Honestly, Helen, stop worrying, I’m good.” After, they hit the Bull and Kirsty gets pretty hyper – she wants to go clubbing with Roy and Jazzer in her new heels. Helen is concerned.

Carol comes round to help Jill hold the fort at Brookfield in full lambing mode, but the two of them end up lounging about, watching old films (“An Affair to Remember” and “Citizen Kane” seem to be on the playlist). There’s a long, long discussion about “Kane” and they get behind with dinner for the workers. Weirdly, they mention “Desert Island Discs”. If the Archers listen to that, what do they listen to between ten and eleven fifteen on Sunday morning on Radio Four?

Lillian takes lover-boy to a Rotary Club meeting to stalk the planning guy’s wife and the mission is such a success that they head off for an afternoon quickie. Unfortunately, they do this at Home Farm and are caught noisily in flagrante by Jennifer. There is the sickening sound of a well-cut trouser fly being done up. Jennifer is furious and accuses them of being “randy teenagers”. This scene will stay as long in the memory as Sid and Jolene’s shower scene – which still raises more of a shudder that the shower scene in “Psycho.”

By Campbell Mitchell, Feb 19 2017 11:32AM

We kick off with Roy and Kirsty. Kirsty’s not well and doesn’t even fancy Roy’s roast chicken. She tries to head off back to bed, but is very dizzy and in some pain. Worrying. “There’s bleeding.” Roy drives her off to hospital.

Miranda is frustrated outside the shop (shut for a stocktake) and meets Jennifer. Jennifer asks her for dinner. Miranda says dinner parties are “very old hat” in her haughty fashion. But Jennfer bigs it up until Miranda agrees to come. Jennifer then head for Sunday lunch with Brian and Miranda turns up again to provide more snooty chat. Jennifer’s ideas for her party become larger as Miranda gets snobbier. Jennifer looks on line at caterers. Brian begins to count the pennies. “Is that the total cost?” “That’s per head.” He manages to talk her down to “small and beautiful.”

At the hospital, Helen and Roy wait anxiously whilst Kirsty waits for the doctor. The consultant turns up to examine Kirsty. The baby isn’t going to make it and she’s having a miscarriage. “Is this really happening to me?” Kirsty and Helen cry. Tom turns up deeply upset and Roy helps in his solid way. Tom and Kirsty have a very tender scene. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here” “We don’t work together, you and me,” says a very shaky Kirsty. Kirsty’s mum is coming to pick her up. “Why do things like that happen, Roy?” queries Helen. Kirsty doesn’t want to go, but is already sounding more like her usual pragmatic level-headed self, whilst Tom goes to pieces. Helen tries to comfort them both.

Clarrie and Eddie have had houseguests for the weekend. “You can’t beat a dollop of Grundy hospitality.” They are still feeling blessed about staying at Grange Farm. Eddie heads out to look at Lynda’s guttering. Their houseguests have left £100. Clarrie wants to return it. Eddie is more pragmatic. He immediately wants to open up a sort of B&B. “No,” says Clarrie, “And I’m not budging.”

Shula and Miranda are out riding. Miranda is literally on her high horse. Anisha is on hand to look at a small cut on Miranda’s horse. Anisha makes a bit of an indiscreet statement about Justin and Lillian, before Shula tells her that Miranda is Justin’s wife.

Alistair gets a call from one of his clients, Mr. Hodge, who doesn’t want Anisha to return to his farm because of her ‘manner’, Anisha thinks it might be due to her colour and broods on it all day. Alistair comforts her. Later, Alistair has flowers and chocolates for Shula and confides in her about Anisha’s upset.

Snooty Miranda is at the Tea Room or Bull (?) with Justin. “Why are we here, Justin, in Ambridge? It’s so barren.” Let us count the ways, Justin…

PC Carpet speaks to Lynda about the way forward for the cricket team. “Our community requires strong leadership.” She gives him a list of how to achieve things on a village-wide level.

Eddie returns a borrowed trailer to Deep Pip. He quizzes her about B&B prices and she mentions a friend in Borchester who rents a room using “you know, one of those websites.” Air BnB by any other name.

Mr. Hodge, the racist, calls the vets again and Alastair insists on sending Anisha again. “We might lose a client.” Alistair doesn’t care.

Joe and Eddie arrive to work on Lynda’s guttering. Eddie quizzes Lynda closely about the Ambridge Hall B&B business. After the questing, Eddie reckons “we’re sitting on a gold mine.” Joe isn’t convinced and Clarrie still needs convincing.

Dirty Clarrie and Pat are in the dairy. There’s a strawberry yoghurt crisis and Pat gets upset at Clarrie and Susan, on edge about the loss of Kirsty’s baby. After work, Clarrie is pounced on by Eddie who has been busy taking lovely pictures for his Air BnB venture. She finally agrees, as long and “Oliver and Caroline give their blessing”.

Kenton is out with Dim Freddie, driving lessons. Freddie gets out of the car. “I can’t do this right now.” He’s upset as there’s a parents’ evening coming up and Elizabeth will find out that he’s been fibbing about his maths result. Kenton, still only seventeen himself, comes up with a plan to keep his sister away from the maths tutor.

Eddie speaks to Oliver, although it sounds like he only asked permission for “people to stay” at Grange Farm. Clarrie (the one that will be actually doing all the cleaning and cooking) isn’t quite as excited about this new Grundy Enterprises business as Eddie is.

Miranda bumps into Lillian shopping in Borchester. Lillian raves about Underwood’s (the famed Borchester department store) Food Hall, but Miranda continues snooty.

Tom gets down with the pigs. “What are you doing here?” asks sensitive Jazzer. Tom messes with Jazzer’s system of feed bags, so Jazzer gets upset and storms off to the Bull.

Miranda snoots it up at the Bull and Jolene more than holds her own, defending their wine choices and their chef. At another table, Tom pours his guilty heart out to Jazzer. Tom feels that all the bad things that happened to Kirsty are because he ran away from the altar. Jazzer talks sense. “Stop wasting your time feeling guilty.” Lillian turns up, toting lingerie she bought at the fabled Underwood’s, ready for the next rut with Justin, who is there, lunching with Miranda. Jolene warns Lillian that Miranda may be hanging around Ambridge more. ‘We’ll just work round her,” says Lillian confidently.

Tom comes to Home Farm and wants to stay at home for a few days. ‘We’re all here and with your family behind you, there’s nothing you can’t cope with.” “Thanks, mum.”

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