• THE WEEK IN AMBRIDGE 11/12/16

    “Mother Goose” is drawing nearer and Kate has done some very ambitious and risqué designs for costumes. Lynda is impressed, but isn’t sure the budget will stretch ot the radical ideas. After she leaves, Brian tries to interest Kate is his multi-million pound expansion plans. Kate, typically, can see no further than her own interests. “What does this mean for the yurts?” Alica arrives, and seems very keen on Brian’s ideas.

    At the Bull, Kenton has staffing problems. “Marco” is unwell. Moonshine Toby offers to plug the personnel gap and then moans on about the bad books he’s got himself into with the Archers. Surprisingly, Kenton takes him on as relief barman. This won’t end well.

    Later, at Mother Goose rehearsals, Lynda tells Kenton that he’s “not getting the script off the page.” They get into a bit of a fight, Kenton wants re-writes. Toby wades in to try and help. He says he will rehearse with Kenton at the Bull and this calms La Snell down.

    Kenton drives Lizzie off to try and buy a car for the twins to share. They do the BBC thing, walking about discussing cars without naming the brands. “Oh, look at that one.” Kenton lusts after an un-named soft top (MX-5? Bentley? 2CV? Who knows) until Elizabeth makes him focus. Kenton teases her about the attentions of the good doctor Locke. “It’s complicated.” After, at the Bull, Kenton appears to have bought a car for himself, even though he still owes David and Ruth money for the refurbishment. And he’s missed the latest ‘Goose’ rehearsal, putting him further in Lynda’s bad books. Elizabeth tells Kenton that Shula quite fancies Dr. Locke, too and it is this that’s putting the brakes on her giving in to the doctor’s desires. Kenton thinks that she should just “go for it.” Which is his usual answer to everything.

    The Fairbrother brothers meet at the goose shed. Chilly. Toby offers to help Rex slaughter the birds in return for siting the (hopefully soon to be legal) still at Hollowtree. Toby has checked the lease and it looks like he can do what he wants on the property. Rex reluctantly agrees.

    Josh is trying to tap David for money to buy a sit-on mower which he can re-sell, making a £600 profit. Careful David isn’t sure. Josh then tells him about Toby’s re-ignited gin-making plans. “He’s what??!!??” He storms round to Toby and smarmy Toby waves the lease at him, saying that he can do what he likes at Hollowtree. “You can’t terminate the lease just because you don’t like me.” “Just watch me.”

    At yet another “Goose” rehearsal, Toby and Kenton perform their new scene for a skeptical Lynda. There’s lots of fart gags. “No, no, no – that is completely tasteless and vulgar. I won’t have it in a Linda Snell Production” – the gold standard of panto.

    Simmering David has to concede defeat to Moonshine Toby. Ruth tries to calm him, somehow turning her New Zealand disappearance into a ‘crisis’ that they survived. She is hoping that the Fairbrothers go home for Christmas.

    The Dark Lord is having his legal visit with the Half-Dark Child, on the morning of the Family Court hearing. Susan and Kirsty discuss the Toby/Linda panto feud. Susan is having a ‘Calendar Girls’ party to say goodbye to ‘naked Ambridge’. Kirsty and Helen have tea, Helen is worried about the access hearing, even though the phychological report on Rob was pretty negative. Helen is also worried as the Pyrex Kid is still referring to the Evil One as “Daddy”. Susan and Pat discuss the usual Grundy financial crisis – the turkey sales are down, thanks to Fairbrother Geese. Then Susan goes into full gossip mode, speculating about Justin and Lillian.

    At the court before the hearing, Helen is nervous, waiting with Anna. The Dark Lord and Cruella are lurking about. It goes very well, Rob can only see Jack/Gideon once a month at a contact centre under professional guidance. Result. Helen is still worried about the fact that Jack will have to see the Evil One at all.

    Jill and David meet for a good Toby bashing. Jill calls Toby a “worthless parasite who can’t be trusted.” David tries to calm her down and says that Ruth wants a “good old fashioned family Christmas.”

    Usha is on her way to meet Anisha (the new vet) who wants to rent Murder Cottage. Rob arrives suddenly to meet the Vic. There is steam and flame coming out of Rob’s ears. His tail lashes about and he beats his little cloven hooves on the floor, enraged by the court judgement. Alan tries to calm him down, but Rob is full of raving self-pity and rage against the system and the Archers.

    Anisha turns out to be Scottish, is well aware of the recent history of the place and tries (successfully) to negotiate a discount. Usha returns to a battered Alan, floored after his meeting with Rob. “There’s something missing in his brain.”

    David calms down and makes up with Pip. He has come to terms with Moonshine Toby’s plans. Toby is working on his truck in the shed. Jill finds him and is very aggressive. “Leave my granddaughter alone and get off this farm.” “Sorry grandma, that’s not going to happen.”

    Brian has seen his accountant and raising the millions needed to buy the land seems achievable, but Adam meets Peggy and moans on about the end of the herbal lays experiment. “We’re going to end up with a dustbowl.” Peggy is more practical. Also, no one seems to have spoken to Debbie about the land purchase.

    Toby, Pip and Kenton are discussing the Panto and after Pip leaves, Toby moans on about how awful Jill is. “She always seems such a sweetie,” says a bewildered Kenton. Later, whilst Pip is cooking Toby’s dinner, Toby tells HER about how nasty Jill has been. He is thinking about heading off to his folks for Christmas. Pip is adamant that he remains.

    Brian and Jennifer talk further about liquidating everything to buy the land. Jennifer wants a further financial opinion. Adam arrives, having spoken to Debbie. “You should have let me speak to her first,” growls Brian. Adam tells him that Debbie thinks that Brian is out of his mind.

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The Week In Ambridge

The Week In Ambridge

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I am a new listener to The Archers - my Mother started me at birth, so I have only been listening for 46 years. Apologies if I get things wrong.

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