Helen is with the Test Tube Kid and the Dark Lord. “Happy Father’s Day, Rob!” Blurk. The Evil One isn’t your real dad, Pyrex Boy. Helen is blissfully happy, especially now Rob’s divorce is through.

    Johnny and Tom are working hard, trying to get things ship shape for Tony’s return. Johnny has been visiting Eamonn (again, not his real dad) for Father’s Day.

    Neil and Adam are preparing the cricket pitch for the match against Waterley Cross. Charlie turns up for a bit of a flirt. Rob and Helen turn up and Adam and Helen discuss drop-out Kate. During the match, Ambridge are 38 for three (is that good?). Rob hits 87 and Adam hits 100. They put Johnny in to bowl and he doesn’t do well. They let the Dark Lord have a go. It’s Adam’s birthday tomorrow and Ambridge win. The Evil One wins man of the match. “Rob’s big hitting might be impressive, but I’d rather watch your cultured strokes,” fawns Charlie over Rob.

    Back at Blossom Hill Cottage, the Dark Lord is canoodling with Helen. “Just think, you’re going to be Mrs. Titchner.”

    Tony and Pat are back from their Croatian holiday. Peggy tells them that Christine is moving into the Lodge with her. All is cheery. Helen tells the assembled family about an improved offer on the shop and they organise a family meal for later in the week. Helen breaks the news about her impending nuptials. “He’s a lovely young man,” says Peggy. Not a great judge of character. After Helen leaves, Tony and Pat don’t sound that keen about their daughter joining with the Dark Lord.

    Deep Pip is looking forward to her new job and excited about where they are going to post her. David is encouraging. He gets a call from Ruth up at Granny Heather’s hospital. She’s “not great.” Pip and David are off to some dreary trade show with demos on robotic milking and feeding.

    Adam and Brian are with a load of sheep. “No limpers, I’m glad to say.” Adam wants to push lambing back, thus avoiding the need for artificial feeds. Brian isn’t keen.

    Rex Fairbrother and Pip meet in Borchester. Rex asks her out for a pint. He breaks some bad news – “I reckon we must have tried every land agent in the county – zilch.” They are running out of time to fulfill their dream of strangling a load of geese for Christmas. It looks like Toby has taken a job in a surf shop in Cornwall.

    Carol and Jill are in the garden, trying to work out how to get Bert back to his bungalow and his now run-down garden. “That garden was his pride and joy.” They are exited about an opera troupe visiting Lower Loxeley. They head to Grey Gables for a wine tasting in the evening. Jill gets a little tipsy. Adam, Brian and all the great and the good are there.

    In the middle of the night, Pip bumps into Jill getting water (they’ve both been on the sauce). David has collapsed in a chair and hasn’t made it to bed. Pip feels bad about going out and leaving him to all the work. In the morning, Deep Pip sleeps in and feels even worse about David having to do the morning milking. She promises to do all the milking next week. David is just pleased she went out.

    Kenton is preparing for Wimbledon. Fallon wants to move the new big screen outside and do tennis hampers. “People love posh picnics,” enthuses Fallon. Kenton wants to try and get the Village Fete back to the village (it’s off to Loxer Loxely this year because of the flood). He’s basically trying to get his own back at David.

    Susan and Lynda convene for an emergency Fete committee meeting at the Bull. Susan is already excited about Helen and Rob’s wedding. Kenton turns up. Lynda and Susan are not to be persuaded. “We are doing our best, here.” ‘People want more than a grubby little bar with a microwave,” sneers Lynda. They are firm, it has to be Lower Loxely. “The whole village is in thrall to David and Elizabeth and there’s nothing I can do about it,” moans Kenton.

    Deep Pip tells David about the Fairbrother’s abandoning their geese plans. Pip is keen to persuade David to let them have some Brookfield land. After a lot of argument, David relents.

    Brian is moaning on about Adam’s hippy ideas about the farm to Jennifer. Drop-out Kate puts her oar in, which irks Brian. Kate meets her new mentor Lillian, she’s come up with “a plan”. She wants to open a ‘holistic retreat’. Yurts are mentioned. Oh, dear. Roy turns up, wanting to organise a family birthday for Phoebe. Kate is less than thrilled. He wants a barbeque at Home Farm. Kate speaks to Phoebe and she wants it at Roy’s instead.

    Brain meets David for a pint, to moan on about Adam’s wacky ideas. “Am I past it? Should I hang up my overalls? Adam seems to have completely lost it.” David tries to soothe things over, but Brian is still upset.

    Tony has toured the farm and comes back bucked until they get a letter from the HSE. The investigation is complete and they’re not prosecuting. Phew.

    Pip shows the Fairbrother brothers round the land and shed that David’s willing to rent to them for geese. “You’ve saved our bacon, Pip.” Pip is thrilled.

    We end the week with Pat and Tony, waxing lyrical about their lovely farm and their marriage. “It’s not been a bad life so far,” says Tony, which counts as singing from the rooftops for him.

    Jennifer shows David the flood report. There are some glaring omissions and sloppy work. There is a small area of Ambridge which should be rated at a higher level for flood risk. This is actually good news “I really think this could be the end of Route B.” Every flood has a silver lining.


The Week In Ambridge

The Week In Ambridge

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I am a new listener to The Archers - my Mother started me at birth, so I have only been listening for 46 years. Apologies if I get things wrong.

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